Showing posts with label 2 stars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2 stars. Show all posts

Thursday, May 6, 2010

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010) - 2/5 stars

NIGHT38
Release: 2010
Director: Samuel Bayer
Writer: Wesley Strick and Eric Hesserer (screenplay), Wes Craven (original characters)
Cast: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Kellan Lutz, Clancy Brown, Connie Britton, Lia D. Mortensen
Soundtrack: Steve Jablonsky, Charles Bernstein (themes)
Claim to fame: a remake of the beloved 1984 horror film by Wes Craven; the latest of Michael Bay's horror remakes (following "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Friday the 13th")
Rating: 2/5 stars

WARNING: Here be SPOILERS

Most fans of the the original "Nightmare" were ready to write off this remake from the get-go: it's from a first time director, produced by Michael Bay, and Wes Craven wasn't even asked for his blessing, let alone given any creative involvement.


For my part, I tried to be cautiously optimistic. I love horror movies but haven't exactly been enjoying Platinum Dunes' string of remakes, particularly the "Friday the 13th" one, which was borderline unwatchable.


night15

This is never a good sign


However, I feel like the concept of the "Nightmare" series is so strong - someone who can kill you in your dreams - that it easily lends itself to being remade or reconfigured over time. Why let the series remain dormant when there's so much potential there?


night26


The remake ended up disappointing me, but I can't say there aren't things to like about it. I appreciated that the movie made an attempt, even if it was half-hearted, to use a movie monster as a metaphor for adolescents trying to recover from the trauma of being sexually abused as children.


night18


But even that begs the question: should you really use such dark and serious subject matter in what is, essentially, a low-budget slasher flick designed to make a lot of money its opening weekend and then fade away forever?


Probably not. Because they bungled the ending - the crucial scene where the two remaining survivors realize that they were indeed the victims of molestation at the hands of Fred Krueger - the whole movie just felt exploitative.


night23


I liked the fact that the guys in the cast were not your usual cadre of jocks, stoners, or "bros just trying to get laid," who you root for the killer to pick off. The male actors, particularly Kyle Gallner and Thomas Dekker, were portrayed as masculine yet vulnerable, and were allowed to cry and be scared for their lives.


The line that you've probably heard in the trailer ("Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet") is actually said to Dekker. That may sound slight, but I find it extremely refreshing when a studio horror movie manages to subvert genre norms and portray the male characters as being more than just tough guys with constant hard-ons.


night36


night30


Kyle Gallner, in particular, was fun to watch. He has ridiculously pale skin and this constant poe-faced expression on his face, like he's watching his entire family butchered before his very eyes *forever*. Either that or he had some bad Mexican food.


night12

"My whole life is a dark room..."


night11

"...one...big...dark...room."


The Joy Division t-shirt he wears in a few scenes was a nice touch as well. In real life, Gallner is probably just another arrogant Hollywood prettyboy but in this movie he managed to convince me he was a sensitive and tortured soul. Good job.


night19

"Is it okay if I cry by your locker?"


Thomas Dekker I'd seen before in the short-lived but not half-bad "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" on Fox. He gave a decent performance on the show but he was still probably the wussiest and most emo John Connor of all time (who ever thought we'd miss Edward Furlong?).


In "Nightmare," his part is fairly underwritten - is he an outcast like Gallner or a prep or what? Does he listen to Bright Eyes? - but I suppose he makes the most of it.


night17

"Hey Kendra, did you like that mix CD I made you? I gotta know!"


The opening scene has him and Gallner sitting at a table at an all-night diner with another kid (who we never see again) - it's after midnight, they're dressed in all black, and they all look very brooding and intense…so my guess is that they were either in the midst of a marathon Dungeons & Dragons session (that's what the black t-shirt set does at the diners near my house) or they're closeted gay lovers. Unfortunately, the movie never explores that angle.


night21


Dekker seems to be wearing eyeliner during the entire film, even during a funeral scene, but I've been told that it's just his long eyelashes.


night20

See: eyeliner at a funeral! I am telling you.

Only the gothest of the goth do that.


The jury is still out on that one, but I had to laugh at the scene where he gets thrown in a prison cell with a rough-looking older dude.


night9

Whatever you do, Thomas...


night8

don't drop the soap!


Clearly my mind was wandering during this remake. On to what you actually want to hear about: this movie's interpretation of Freddy Krueger. Jackie Earl Haley was great as Freddy but the character was not written consistently. During the first half of the movie, he is creepy and menacing, and his dialogue is sinister. He was pretty much what I was hoping to see from Haley.


night5


Then during the finale, he turns into the old-wise cracking Freddy from the sequels with some sexual oneliners that felt in poor taste ("How's that for a wet dream?!" etc.). It doesn't help that, unlike in the original, Freddy doesn't even have any SCENES. Whenever he shows up in the film, it's always for short instances or jump scares. He doesn't get to inhabit the movie the way Robert Englund did.


night10

I get that they were trying to make Freddie look more like an actual

burn victim, but all it does is make him seem strangely cat-like


I didn't feel like the flashbacks of Freddy's origin were consistent with his personality in the rest of the film. In these idyllic visions of the past, he's a nice guy who gets along well with children. We are later told that he, in fact, led the kids to a cave under the school where he abused them.


night14


When Freddy shows up in the Elm Street teens' dreams, he's a deranged pervert that can't wait to

kill everybody and have his way with Nancy. I can see where this incarnation of Freddy would be angry enough to want to murder the kids, since their folks burned him alive, but I don't think he would have any sexual interest in a post-puberty Nancy if he was actually a child molester.


night7


Again, to most people these are "nitpicks" but my notion is always, if you're going to tackle a serious subject like a pedophiliac killer - even in a horror movie - then be true to it. Or, at the very least, put some thought into it/do your research. A movie can be depressing at times and still entertain.


The "Nightmare" brand name is going to get butts in theater seats no matter what, so why not be ambitious with the material instead of settling for a lazy string of jump-scares to fill your 90 minute running time? On that note, if I ever make a horror movie you can better believe there won't be any jump scares.

night3

As latter-sequel Freddie would say, "Don't dream and drive!"


Really, all the flashbacks did were make me think back to "Little Children" and how that was a much better movie. Poor Jackie Earl Haley…I really hope he doesn't have to play a child molester again for the rest of his career. He seems like a super nice guy in real life and in "Nightmare" he's definitely better than the material he's given.


night34


Rooney Mara is TERRIBLE as Nancy. According to IMDB, she was born in New York but her voice sounds like she's speaking in a Canadian accent, with marbles in her mouth. It's like she's auditioning for a mumblecore movie.


She has nothing on Heather Langenkamp's plucky protagonist from the first film. The filmmakers try to play this Nancy as an angsty oddball who paints in her room during all hours of the night and doesn't fit in at school, but Mara doesn't feel authentic in the role.


night29

Pictured: Rooney Mara is forced to endure her own performance


It goes without saying that the special effects don't hold up nearly as well as the original. Most of the effects are CGI and look cheap. Apparently the computer technology for a "creepy face morphing through a wall" hasn't evolved at all since Peter Jackson's "The Frighteners" back in 1998, and I swear that the holographic illusion poster that was in theaters for that flick was more impressive than what I saw in this "Nightmare."


night4


The screenwriters seemed to snatch the most iconic moments from the original "Nightmare" at random. The scene where Freddy's hand emerges from the water as Nancy takes a bath is there, arbitrarily, for a split second. Basically just so they could put it in the trailer.


night31


I caught a weekday showing of the film last night so I only spent $5. I don't regret the purchase but I did walk out of the movie feeling like it was not all I had hoped it would have been. There was potential in the script. But the kids in the movie are given terrible dialogue and don't seem to have actual relationships.


Their conversations are glib exchanges that do nothing to flesh out the characters as people, or convey how they feel about each other or what's happening to them. At one point, Kyle Gallner and the actress playing Nancy are reduced to a "What's your favorite color?" conversation. These kids literally have NOTHING to talk about. It's a shame.


night27

A scene from the trailer...that's not in the final movie


Look, I'm not asking for "Mysterious Skin" with Freddy Krueger inserted in, I just want a little bit of character development and a serious contemplation of the after-affects of child abuse. I know it's "just" a horror movie, but the concept of "Nightmare" begs for it - and considering that this depth is what I would try to put in the script myself if I were writing it, I don't think it's asking for too much.


Instead of making a sad film, they cast sad-looking actors and called it a day. Director Samuel Bayer's previous credits include Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" music videos, which I suppose makes sense as here he shows he understands the look of teen angst but nothing about what's actually behind it. Another rewrite with some polish could have made this a darker, more genuine movie instead of just a late-April stinker.


night2

You could seriously make another movie from all the clips in the trailer
that aren't in the actual movie...

Friday, April 23, 2010

JUSTICE LEAGUE: CRISIS ON TWO EARTHS (2010) - 2/5 stars

jla8
Release: 2010
Director: Lauren Montgomery, Sam Liu
Writer: Dwayne McDuffie
Cast: Mark Harmon, Vanessa Marshall, James Woods, Chris Noth, William Baldwin, Gina Torres, Bruce Davison, Nolan North, Jonathan Adams, Josh Keaton, Brian Bloom, James Patrick Stuart, Freddi Rogers
Soundtrack: James L. Venable, Christopher Drake
Claim to fame: "a loose adaptation of the 1964 Gardner Fox-scripted Justice League of America #29–30 as well as the 1999 Grant Morrison JLA: Earth 2 graphic novel"-Wikipedia
Rating: 2/5 stars

It's great that so many reviewers on Netflix seem to be enjoying this movie, but I have to count "Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths" as a huge misfire. Though it attempts to translate Grant Morrison and Frank Quietly's well-liked graphic novel "JLA: Earth 2" to the screen and is even penned by one of the writers of the "Justice League" animated series, nearly everything about this production is flawed from the ground up.


jla3

On Earth-2, the Joker is a good guy known as the Jester


Before I get into any fanboy nitpicking that might of interest only to fans of DC comics, I can tell you why conceptually this film simply does not work. And that's because it's based on a more adult-leaning graphic novel and rated PG-13, meaning it's squarely aimed at the 14 and up crowd...however, the pacing of the film is terrible and before long it devolves into extended fight after fight after fight, which is frankly tiresome for anyone out of the 3rd grade.


But you can't actually screen this movie for anyone in the 3rd grade because of some language, a complex dimension-crossing plot, at least one sexually suggestive line, and some dominatrix-like costumes on some of the female super-villains.


jla1

The Crime Syndicate are like amoral dopplegangers of the Justice League,

kinda like the Marvel Universe's Squadron Supreme, heh.


My question then is: *who* is this movie for? In trying to please everyone - your basement dwelling Comic Book Guy and the little kids who have been watching the Justice League on the Cartoon Network - it pleases no one. Fans want more than super-powered brawls for 80 minutes, especially when you're translating the work of a writer as cerebral as Grant Morrison, but the PG-13 rating is going to be off-putting for parents who should definitely screen this movie before they let their kids watch it.


And as someone at Netflix kinda rightfully asks: why in God's name should you have to screen a Superman movie for your kids? Especially when the 90's cartoons from the likes of Paul Dini and Bruce Timm managed to have sophisticated storytelling without alienating a younger audience.


jla4

A fairly solid graphic novel bolstered by Frank Quietly's amazing artwork


But why else doesn't this movie work for the hardcore comic book audience who is ready to see Morrison and Quietly's "Earth 2" brought to the small screen? First: the voice acting. Tim Daly and Kevin Conroy are THE voices of Superman and Batman, respectively - no ands, ifs, or buts. The fact that they voiced DC's last animated effort ("Batman/Superman: Public Enemies") but were not involved here is especially egregious.


I don't care how much those guys cost; they're crucial to the audience's suspension of disbelief. They're truly the difference between whether these DC direct-to-video projects are going to be something fans rent once and never watch again or something that is purchased and placed on the DVD rack.


jla2

James Wood's gotta eat


William Baldwin does NOT cut it. In fact, he's probably the worst Batman I've ever heard. I'd rather have George Clooney back under the cowl than have to hear William Baldwin pretend to be Batman again. Mark Harmon was similarly atrocious as Superman; the guy made Big Blue sound like he had a speech impediment. James Woods barely registers as Owl Man, Earth 2's evil version of Batman. Woods is a great actor but here he sounds like he's just there for the paycheck. It's a narcoleptic reading.


And for that matter, where is Clancy Brown as the voice of Lex Luthor?


jla 9

Oh, William, you smug bastard


Secondly, the script does a botched job of interpreting Grant Morrison's story. Where to start? The Crime Syndicate goes from being dark analogues to the JLA to being the Justice League meets the Sopranos. Ultraman talks like Ray Liotta in "Goodfellas" for cryin' out loud.


Not to mention the nitpicks that will be noticeable only to fanboys: the Flash appears to be Wally West like in Grant's story but the Green Lantern is Hal Jordan - why not stick to the original and have it be Kyle Rayner? There's an ill-advised, ridiculous romantic subplot involving Martian Manhunter and the…President's daughter? All the interesting stuff from the graphic novel involving Batman meeting Earth 2's Jim Gordon is gone, as is the Owl Man/Ultraman/Superwoman love triangle. We're left with a string of non-stop slugfests.


jla7

"Hey guys, there's a lull in the plot...let's fight!"


And you realize why the best JLA writers were the ones who made Batman seem like he was the toughest member of the team even though he was the only one without superpowers; otherwise, it makes no sense that Batman is even on the team! In this movie, Batman literally gets his ass kicked left and right by god-like beings. You start to wonder how he's even lasted as long as he has. We don't get a sense of Batman's fighting prowess or keen intellect at all. Not only that but he sets up the deaths of at least two characters. And again: he's voiced by William-freakin'-Baldwin!


I will say that I enjoyed hearing Nolan North as Green Lantern. If you've played any video game from this current generation then you've likely heard Nolan's voice, though he's most famous as Nathan Drake from the "Uncharted" series of games. If Nolan had voiced Hal Jordan for DC's "Green Lantern: First Flight" flick, I probably would have enjoyed it much more.


jla6

There's a scene of Batman stealing the Flash's pretzel

and munching on it. I wish I was joking


After "Planet Hulk" set the bar for adapting comic book story arcs into animated films, it's hard to go back to something like "Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths." DC seems to be a step behind with their animated films. They must think that if they toss as many obscure characters as possible into a movie (see also: "Batman/Superman: Public Enemies"), then fanboys will lap it up.


But no, we're a bit more discerning than that. Nobody wants to read a challenging and complex superhero story in print only to watch it dumbed down for an 80 minute cartoon. Pardon the pun, but can't we get the best of both worlds?


jla5

Oh well, at least the animation is decent


POST-NOTE: Reviews for "Twin Dragons" and "Operation Condor" have been updated with new screen captures courtesy of yours truly.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

DOUBLE IMPACT (1991) - 2/5 stars

Double 7
Release: 1991
Director: Sheldon Lettich
Writer: Sheldon Lettich and Jean Claude Van Damme (screenplay), Sheldon Lettich and Jean Claude Van Damme and Steve Meerson and Peter Krikes (story)
Cast: Jean Claude Van Damme, Geoffrey Lewis, Alonna Shaw, Corinna Everson, Phillip Chan, Alan Scarfe, Bolo Yeung, Andy Armstrong,
Soundtrack: Arthur Kempel
Claim to fame: Twice the Van Dammage
Rating: 2/5 stars

"You want some advice? Take your fancy clothes and your black silk underwear and go back to Disneyland."


If someone who is actually a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme tells you that one of his movies sucks, then it definitely sucks. I've seen nearly every film in Van Damme's filmography so believe me when I say that "Double Impact" is certifiably crap.


Double 4

Nothing says low-budget, early 90's martial arts flick like pleated pants


It starts out promising enough: twin Van Damme babies are separated at birth. One grows up to be a hard-ass gangster in Hong Kong. The other (named "Chad," I kid you not) grows up to be a...LA aerobics instructor.


Much hilarity ensues during the opening 20 minutes, thanks to Van Damme doing the splits in spandex for a group of adoring females and "Chad"'s wardrobe in general. He arrives in Hong Kong wearing hot pink short shorts (with his socks pulled up high) and a turquoise polo shirt.


Double 2

I'll let this screen grab speak for itself


Which begs the question: how in the hell was this movie made in 1991? I refuse to believe it. With fashion like that, and the cheesy pop tunes that play on the soundtrack, I have to believe that this movie was made in 1987 and kept on the shelf for several years.


Double 5

"Hey Uncle Frank, there's a club if you'd like to go.

You could meet somebody who really loves you."


"Double Impact" also claims that the twins are only 25 years-old - Van Damme was 31 in 1991. I know you had a babyface back in the day, Jean Claude, but you're not fooling anybody.


Now so far what I've described sounds like a guilty pleasure kind of flick, but unfortunately as the movie goes on "Chad" becomes less of a, well, Chad and the two brothers' identities blur into each other. By the climax of the flick they're both the same action star tough guy. Yawn.


Double 6

Two Van Dammes means we have to watch Jean Claude beat the bad guys twice,

which is one time too many


Also, much of the film is under-lit; I lost track of how many scenes were completely bathed in darkness. It makes for one visually drab movie, and it's a shame that they didn't truly take advantage of the Hong Kong setting.


Then there's the ridiculously overblown sex scene - which only occurs in a character's mind! - that puts Cinemax to shame with its balletic grinding. Ugh, pass on "Double Impact" unless you absolutely worship Van Damme.


The presence of Bolo Yeung only serves to remind me that I'd rather be watching the far superior "Bloodsport."


Double 3
"Double Impact" presents a rematch between Jean Claude and Bolo
but you're better off preserving your memories of their first encounter

Thursday, March 4, 2010

MORTAL KOMBAT (1995) - 2/5 stars

Photobucket
Release: 1995
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Writer: Kevin Droney
Cast: Robin Shou, Linden Ashby, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Bridgette Wilson, Christopher Lambert, Talisa Soto, Trevor Goddard, Chris Cassamasa, Francois Petit
Soundtrack: George S. Clinton
Claim to fame: film adaptation of the popular 90's arcade fighting game, one of Paul W.S. Anderson's more tolerable movies, a very 90's soundtrack
Rating: 2/5 stars

If you're old enough, think back with me to a time before "The Matrix" and superhero movies dominated the multiplexes, back when there was nothing cooler than ripped blue jeans, Big Gulp slurpees from 7-11, and the arcade at your local mall. And when you combined all three together, well, you were in for one hell of an afternoon. Now if you were at the arcade, chances are you were playing on a Mortal Kombat arcade cabinet - or at least standing behind the guys that were good at it, watching them juggle Shao Kahn into the air with Katana's fan blades and beating the game with quarters to spare.


kom7

Insert coin to play


As such, it's no surprise that when "Mortal Kombat" movie hit the big screen in August of 1995 it was hotly anticipated, even by kids - like me - who were probably way too young to be watching it in the first place.


kom21

Yup, not for kids


The film performed solidly at the box office, grossing over $100 million, though it was trumped handily by it own soundtrack which went platinum in less than two weeks. For a little while it seemed like the stigma against video game-to-movie adaptations had been cast aside, at least until the sequel to "Mortal Kombat" came along two years later and bombed horrifically. What can you do? That's pretty much the relationship the public has with these kinds of flicks.


kom16


kom15

In the 90's, there were very few kids who didn't want

to see Scorpion brought to life on the big screen


Revisiting "Mortal Kombat" in 2010 via high definition streaming from Netflix - which looked quite nice and bodes well for a future well blu-ray release - I found a lot to like about it. Okay, well, SOME things to like about it.


What I like about "Mortal Kombat" the movie


1. Robin Shou as Liu Kang


-Robin Shou is a good guy who paid his dues in the Hong Kong film industry long before he ever starred as Liu Kang. He had small roles in HK flicks like "City War" and "Tiger Cage 2," both solid movies all around, and trained in the Wu Shu martial arts and stunt work. He pretty much shot his credibility by starring in "Mortal Kombat," which is a shame since now most people don't know his background.


I'm not saying he was great as Liu Kang but that's mostly because the script underwrites his role, depicting him as the Stoic Asian Hero who, of course, can't have a love interest or any character insight outside of being the "Chosen One," which means he's nothing more than a plot device, really - the secret weapon against the bad guys. Acting isn't exactly Robin's strong point either but he LOOKS and moves exactly like Liu, which is basically what counts in a video game movie.


MK 2

Rippling muscles? Check. Bad 90's hair? Check


2. Linden Ashby as Johnny Cage


-Again, the script lets Linden down by turning Cage into a complete prick instead of a lovably superficial actor type, but Linden does the best he can with the role. This guy was sort of like Owen Wilson back when Owen Wilson was just waiting tables, and he brought a natural charisma to the role. Few will remember Linden's short-lived TV show, "Spy Games," which ran for a scant six episodes before being cancelled, but that was another vehicle for Linden as a cocky action star that worked quite well.


One of my favorite shots in "Mortal Kombat" is Goro reflected in Johnny Cage's sunglasses right before their match, which is right before Goro crushes them in his oversized mitts. That right there captures the essence of what the movie should have been all about.


MK 5

"Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole."


3. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Shang Tsung


-The filmmakers have stated that Tagawa is the only actor they had in mind for the role of Shang Tsung and it's hard to imagine anyone else in the role. He's got the "evil older Asian guy who can still kick your ass" vibe down to a science. And you can tell he just loves spitting out lines like "Your soul - is MINE!" while his face completely scrunches up.


MK 8

Shang Tsung is on a mission to collect your soul


4. The production values


-The film was shot in both studio backlots in Hollywood and on location in Thailand. The stuff that was shot indoors sticks out like a sore thumb - with the garish, subdued-Schumacher lighting we've come to expect from director Paul W.S. Anderson ("Event Horizon," "Soldier") - but the sections of the film shot in Thailand look great. The scene early on where Liu Kang visits the Temple of Light to seek blessing to enter the tournament is appropriately epic and makes you feel like you're actually witnessing an ancient struggle between good and evil and not just a video game movie.


kom18


kom13


kom12

At times, the sense of scale is pretty impressive for a video game movie


There's a lot of weaksauce, totally flat mid-90's CGI that's indistinguishable from a Full Moon Productions direct-to-video movie of the same era, but that's almost to be expected.


kom3

And this is supposed to be...?


Goro is, thankfully, a large, human-controlled puppet and while his movement is slightly limited he looks and talks just like you'd expect Goro would.


kom11

That is one incredibly long torso you have there, Mr. Goro


5. The soundtrack


-I mentioned earlier that the soundtrack went platinum in less than two weeks, and for good reason. Sure, it's kind of generic, amped up mid-90's "electronica"/industrial music like KMFDM, Napalm Death, Sister Machine Gun, Fear Factory, and Orbial...but in the context of the film, it works wonders. I love how the title track starts playing as the New Line Cinema logo is still forming on the screen, getting you totally amped up for some "Mortallllll Kombattttttttttt!" Without the pumping soundtrack, half the scenes in the movie would fall flat on their face. The music really props this film up.


What I don't like about "Mortal Kombat" the movie


1. The screenplay


-Structurally, the screenplay is sound. It opens with a series of disconnected vignettes, introducing us to each of the key players, which would admittedly be slightly confusing to anyone unfamiliar with the game.


kom19

Where are we again? Oh, okay. Thanks.


But once the characters are in place and transported to Outworld, the movie has some semblance of linearity. The problem is that the dialogue is so half-hearted, so cornball, it's like the writer didn't even try. To think that someone was paid thousands of dollars to write this tripe is definitely a knife in the gut of every talented but unemployed screenwriter out there.


To give you some idea of how bad it is, without having to quote it: writer Kevin Droney's sole other film credit is the screenplay for the "Wing Commander" movie. Yeah. And you know you're in trouble when you deliver exposition to the audience by having the heroes eavesdrop on the villains while they're having dinner. What is this - an episode of "Scooby-Doo"?


kom4


The script also frequently doles out Sunday school lessons to our trio of heroes. They're lectured -- more than once - about how Liu Kang needs to let go of his thirst for revenge, Johnny Cage needs to let go of his ego, and Sonya Blade needs to learn to ask others for help. Yay, do you all want to hold hands now? It's like Screenwriting 101 that you SHOW, don't tell this stuff. "Mortal Kombat" is the perfect avenue to illustrate internal character conflicts through the fight scenes. It should have been obvious!


2. Christopher Lambert as Raiden


-Don't get me wrong. I love Christopher Lambert, particularly in the "Highlander" movies, and I'm not even opposed to him playing Raiden for the reasons most people are (re: the fact that Raiden is the Japanese lord of thunder and not, um, some European dude). Lambert himself was supposedly a fan of the Mortal Kombat video games but he approaches the character all wrong. He plays the role less like a deity and more like a joking trickster a la Loki. Even though he claims the fate of the world is at stake, he's constantly laughing, winking, and cracking lame in-jokes like he knows he's just in a movie.


A lot of times screenwriters or studio execs will claim you need a more down-to-earth, human character for audiences to relate to when there's all sorts of mystical stuff happening in the plot but…that's what friggin' Johnny Cage, Liu Kang, and Sonya Blade are for! Playing Raiden for laughs was the absolute wrong way to go, especially for a character that's supposed to be an actual god and especially in a movie that's supposed to be as dark as "Mortal Kombat." Compe him with Tagawa's take on Shang Tsung and it seems like the two of them are acting in completely different movies. I also didn't care for Bridgette Wilson as Sonya Blade but she's not in the movie enough for me to give her her own bullet point.


kom14

Christopher Lambert - the first actor to ever be typecast as an immortal


3. The fights


-"Mortal Kombat," by its very nature, is all about the fights. And there are plenty of them in the movie. But I wasn't enjoying them at all and I didn't understand why until about halfway through the movie. Then it hit me: they're overly choreographed. Unlike "Street Fighter," which lends itself to more carefully rehearsed martial arts and occasional wire-work, "Mortal Kombat" is all about…blood. It's about blood, sweat, uppercuts, and fatalities. You need to feel every blow, hear the snapping of sinew and the cracking of bone. None of that is communicated in this film. Characters flip off walls, strike fancy poses, and roll and tumble together like a ballet. That's not "Mortal Kombat."


kom6


The one fight that really worked for me was Liu Kang vs. Reptile - it's fast and brutal, largely because Liu Kang is getting his ass kicked. I felt like the stakes were high and each punch and kick carried the impact I'd expect from "Mortal Kombat." It was flashy but not as rehearsed as the rest of the movie. And Liu Kung got to use his Bicycle Kick (always a plus in my book)! The final bout between Liu Kang and Shang Tsung is handled in a similar fashion, so the climax of the movie doesn't disappoint.


kom2


Also, there are way too many fight scenes between characters who aren't from the video games at all and who have no discernible supernatural abilities. This seems like a mistake to me. I would have kept the cast smaller and provided the characters with more moves from the game (both Sonya Blade and Kano don't get to use any of their abilities from the arcade games). Considering that the entire tournament takes place in another dimension, it doesn't really make sense that there are normal human fighters up against sorcerers and demigods.


kom17


It may look like there are more things that I like about this film than I don't like. But considering that the script and the fight scenes are the only thing that would hold a movie like this together, you can understand why I'd rate this thing 2 stars. I enjoy "Mortal Kombat" as an entertaining 90's artifact. A few well-cast roles and cool-looking Outworld sets mean that the movie is still fun enough to revisit every so many years, and when you consider the other movies of its genre - "Double Dragon," "Street Fighter," "Resident Evil," etc. - it definitely stands above the competition. Then again, that's not saying much.


"I'm in a hostile environment. I'm totally unprepared. And I'm surrounded by a bunch of guys who probably want to kick my ass... it's like being back in high school."-Johnny Cage


kom10


kom9


kom8

You know you love it