FIVE ELEMENT NINJAS (1982) - 5/5 stars

AKA "Chinese Super Ninjas"

Release: 1982

Director: Cheh Chang

Writer: Cheh Chang, Kuang Ni

Cast: Tien-chi Cheng, Tien Hsiang Lung, Meng Lo, Wai-Man Chan, Chen Hei Psi, Wang Lieh, Ke Chu

Soundtrack: Chin Yung Shing, Chun Hau So

Claim to fame: largely considered one of the greatest - or at least the most fun - Shaw Brothers films

Rating: 5/5 stars

When a movie actually lets the title cards interrupt what is presumably a painstakingly-choreographed, life-or-death battle, then I kind of assume that it's going to be filled to the brim with action and that the filmmakers don't need to show their hand right away. "Five Element Ninjas" does not disappoint in this regard.

The story is pretty damn unique. It spends a good deal of the first act laying out the Chinese Martial Arts Alliance (basically a kung fu school) as being the toughest, most skilled fighters in all of China. You know they're the good guys because their costumes are white as the driven snow.

The Martial Arts Alliance wears these tiny little half-capes,

which is cool except they're ALWAYS pausing to untie them before a fight

Just when you think that these guys are the ultimate bad-asses, the school is promptly decimated by a clan of Japanese ninjas.

The ninjas, who are not afraid to fight cheap and dirty, employ various elemental tactics to win: blinding their opponent's eyes with metal hats, hiding inside hollowed out trees, striking from underwater, etc.

If we've learned anything from "The Octagon," it's that ninjas have no honor

The rest of the film then becomes about how the few surviving Chinese martial artists are going to learn to strike back at an opponent who is seemingly invincible and without honor.

The American title of the movie, "Chinese Super Ninjas," is arguably more appropriate since although there are five elemental ninja *techniques* in this film, only four Chinese heroes are left standing for the finale - and they do truly become super ninjas once their training is complete.

What commences is a beautiful and gory display of patented Shaw Brothers martial arts choreography. The fight scenes are abundant, and the fact that the sets look so unnatural and studio-built only lends to the fantasy, comic book-y feel of the film.

I sincerely love these kind of serene landscapes

that are completely manufactured in a film studio

I could have done without the romantic subplot, which seemed out of place, in favor of more sequences detailing the heroes' ninja training - there's the briefest training montage imaginable and then all of a sudden they know how to beat the ultra-stealthy ninjas - but I suppose that would have taken away from the surprise of the ending battles.

Despite being made in 1982, "Five Elemental Ninjas" looks culled from the late 70's and features the kind of limb-pulling gore that wouldn't be out of a place in Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive."

It's certainly one of the most epic, delightfully silly, and just plain fun kung fu flicks I've ever witnessed. Highly recommended for all you Shaw Brothers junkies and ninja lovers.

Expect a lot of fatal bleeding in "Five Element Ninjas," thankfully

the DVD print is rather pristine and makes the color red pop

DRUNKEN MASTER (1978) - 4/5 stars

Release: 1978

Director: Yuen Woo-ping

Writer: Lung Hsiao, Ng See-Yuen, Yuen Woo-ping

Cast: Jackie Chan, Yuen Siu Tien, Hwang Jang Lee, Fung Ging Man, Hsu Hsia, Linda Lin, Dean Shek, Shun-Yee Yuen

Soundtrack: Chow Fu-Liang

Claim to fame: this is one of Jackie Chan's first successful films and one of his most enduring among fans, introduced 'drunken boxing' to a legion of kung fu movie fans

Rating: 4/5 stars

Good Lord, there is so much kung-fu fighting in this movie that I very nearly felt fatigued by the end of it! You gotta love these 70's kung fu flicks where a well-choreographed fight sequence breaks out just because some guy won't pay his dinner tab.

Jackie was really in the best shape of his life for "Drunken Master"

For fans of Jackie Chan's more recent works, in which he's known for his implementation of props and dangerous stunts, this film might be a bit of an adjustment. Most of "Drunken Master" is comprised of dudes sparring in the middle of sunny fields with the camera set up perfectly to capture every move.

So instead of "What prop can Jackie use next?", it becomes about the athleticism, the choreography, the almost dance-like performance of the two combatants.

Centered shot composition means we get to see every move

Needless to say, I spent the entire runtime of "Drunken Master" utterly impressed by what Jackie and his co-stars were accomplishing. Jackie is so damn fit here and he seems to never stop moving, finding some new way to contort his body or dodge his opponent's blows.

Holy $#%&!

Did I mention that "Drunken Master" is also friggin' hilarious? It was fun to see Jackie play a well-meaning but ultimately selfish SOB who causes trouble for others at every turn. Bonus points for the scene where Jackie calls a middle-aged lady a bitch, only to have her kick his ass with her elite fighting skills...only to have him find out later that she's the aunt he hasn't seen in 10 years!

You gotta love 70's kung fu movie hijinks

"Drunken Master" plays out like a classic Shaw Brothers movie, only injected with a healthy dose of comedy and even more impressive physicality on the part of the actors involved. This is a must-see movie for Jackie Chan fans and anybody who can appreciate 111 minutes of nearly nonstop martial arts action.

If you can get over the British-sounding dub (which isn't as bad as some I've heard), this is also one of director/choreographer Yuen Woo-ping's greatest works.

What kung fu movie would be complete

without some kind of painful and arcane training exercises?